Where to?

Where do I begin? Have you ever had the feeling that you are on your own no matter how much love or support you may receive? I am in that situation........again! Though you may have support from family and friends who will empathise, sympathise and try to comfort; in reality there is nothing anyone can do unless they or you had a magic wand. Nothing less than a miracle is going to help you and everything else seem fruitless. After all when people close to you have left or you have hung up from talking to a loved one,you are left to face the enormous burden alone.

How many more times do I have to go through similar happenings or for how long? I have to believe this is the very last time and stay positive to keep my sanity and walk without falling down. It is cliché I know, but I have to say “you only get 20 years for murder” and I have lived this life for 26 years going on 27.

If I weigh up things then I can say I am wiser than last time and in a better position (?) debatable I’d say, nevertheless,I was more conscious of how things could change overnight and was prepared(?) again debatable; or more like preparing myself to best survive.

I might have an avenue to keep my head above the water this time around, only barely just, nevertheless having that option which I didn’t have 9 years ago is heartening.


Bottom line is I shouldn’t be where I am today as I had no part in the decision making process of the determining factors that lead to this. If anything I was opposed to most or all. Try and figure that one out. I hate to repeatedly think this or say it but I am only human and until I can get out of this messy situation I guess I will repeat.

I feel like asking repeatedly “why?” but I wonder if anyone is listening.