How or where do you draw the strength to keep your sanity while living under the same roof as a man whose arrogant decisions had affected three other people adversely over the years? Add to that, the fact those mistakes didn’t stop him from repeating them again. Those mistakes didn't make him stop and think or learn any lessons. I guess when someone is perfect as he is there is nothing to learn. Mind boggling huh?
For awhile there it was extremely hard to be in close proximity to him. It eroded my self-worth and self respect to live and put up with such egotism. Keeping busy blocked those feelings and aided in my sanity and survival. Getting out and earning too helped immensely to alleviate those feelings.
It is very easy for people to say “leave him?” or ask “Have you thought of leaving him?” when reality is different. Believe me I was once, one of those others who said “if you can’t live together, part” The people who doesn't ask such questions are women who have been in similar situations.
It all boils down to survival or how best to survive. Rental properties are scarce and rents are high in this area and buying is not easy. So what other alternatives do I have? If someone can give alternatives instead of telling "leave him" then I will listen.
One of the hardest things with this living arrangement is to find time, tranquillity and space for myself. Another hard reality is how best to live without resentment or animosity towards the other person for what he has done to the family.
For the first time in many months I felt a tinge of chest tightening today and feel it as I write.
It is very hard not to lay blame continuously though in reality I am beyond blaming. I just want a way out.
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