Annoying People

Argh.......why can’t hairdressers put a zip in it and cut our hair? Not all of us want to tell our life story to the hairdresser or the barman!
Where do you live? What do you do? How many kids do you have? How old are they? Where do you work?

Why stop there?..... Why not ask how much I earn, how old I am, what I ate for breakfast, did I have sex last night? Arghhhhhh

How presumptuous of this woman to assume that I was not born in this country just because I don’t have the right skin colour and to ask "how long have you lived in this country?" This then led to an onslaught of questions, among them was the "Do you like living here?"..... What sort of a ignorant question is that after I replied "20 years"

For Christ sake I have lived in this country for 20 years. Will I live somewhere I didn’t like? And I have asnwered those same questions time and time again 20 million times over the last 20 years.

My regular hairdresser doesn’t say boo to me after the initial “hello, come in” “just a trim today?” and “how much do you want taken off”. She then set off to do her job, which btw she does a damn good job of, and during which I alternate between drifting off to my dreamland to examining my face in the mirror and be miserable about the lines around my mouth and then back to dreaming again. And I come out a happy customer.
Unfortunately she wasn’t working today and against my better judgment I chose another. I made a mental note to tell her, politely of course, to concentrate on the cutting if she started to talk. But of course when someone is so nice and polite, you just can’t say the things concocted in your head prior to that.

At the beginning I kept my replies to a short “yes” or “no” to see if she will get the drift. Oh no she had to keep on asking question after question and then some of the questions warranted a longer answer than a “yes” or “no”

What I See

I look at myself in the mirror and what do I see?

A face I don’t recognise anymore.
The glow that once was, is gone.
The bright eyes that once were are gone.
The freedom once shown on the face is gone.
The carefree look that once was is gone.

All I see now is a look of weariness, hardship, worries and being subdued.

Clear as Mud

So had a training day at work today.I tell ya so much information to absorb in one day. When you do this you have to go here in the system and enter that and then you go there and enter that and on and so forth ....................

When you do this, go here in the system and enter it, then after you do that go there in the system and add that and then you note the receipt number comp generates and write it down here. Oh and don’t worry if you forget to note the number you can always find it the convoluted way. Go here highlight this, pick this option from the drop down menu and it will open this, double click that line and then click that in the new window, voila there is the number you missed the first time. Easy? Sure!
Yep clear as mud at the moment.

I am so tired BUT I am not complaining. It is wonderful to have the avenue to generate income.

I can’t believe that I am having such a hard time to comprehend and absorb something?? I could pick up on comp work fast or so I thought. The feelings when unable to figure out or remember things that were once shown or having to ask again is one of inadequacy :( I don't understand the mental block I am having with this new job. It is not brain surgery for God's sake. To top it all I feel I am so slow too in doing things. :(

Ok on to some positive thinking!

It is still early days considering it is not a full time job and I will get there slowly but surely, and when I do, look back at these times and wonder what I was worried about!
Yep :)

Echo In My Head

Thump thump thump, that is the echo in my head, after a few hours in the car, with my now, just past the teen years progeny. And...................to give me more of the same she leaves the engine on when getting off the car to make a dash purchase while I stay in the car!

Considerate of her I must say, as she would want the music on if it was the opposite and I got out. Thank you my darling for your consideration....... but....... no thanks. Argh!

Making Sense

Do things make sense all the time? I don’t think so. Many things do not make any sense most of the time. It is a bit like art really. I can’t make head or tail of some art. I don’t think many people do, most of us pretend we know or like art to show our supposed refinement and sophistication.

Hell I never get art except the straight forward ones. Like sceneries, portraits etcetera. But I have developed the right attitude with appreciative comments like “beautiful colours” which is by large true. But if I am to be honest, it is mind numbingly boring to go to an art exhibition unless it is followed by cheese and wine later.

Some art are naturally beautiful, granted, even if it is blobs of colour splattered across the canvas representative of the painter’s mood at the time, still it doesn't make sense as the observer.

I think I went on a tangent here. Oh well.........this is my blog and I can damn well write what I want.

I Think I Have Arrived

Last night in bed, my haven,I meditated more on the situation, weighed up the choices and I think I arrived at one. I repeat “I think”. I made a mental note as to the date I will do it and when I will tell the dragon. How I dread that! Not the decision part but the informing of the decision to the backstabber AKA dragon. She is not a pretty woman. I don’t mean that in any physical sense. Selfish to the hilt in the welfare sector no less! Go figure!

I don't know if my decision is right or wrong or indeed there is a right or wrong one. However the decision I made is in my best interest I think. Some things you do in life or situations you are in are like bad marriages. You wish you were not in that knot and want things to be different or wish you could just walk away, yet it is not that simple

Coming to a Decision

How do you go about making a decisive decision? The kind, once made, have no return? You can weigh it up, talk to others about it, which no one wants to or can tell you what to do anyway, without any success. You analyse it as perceptively as you can yet vacillate about the decision.

This thing may not even be essential to your happiness or significant to your life. It could, on one hand, have a detrimental effect, when you take backstabbing, undermining etc into consideration, yet, important enough in some respects. So you want to hold on to it for that!

Partly it could be fear of letting go of something you have and if there is another part, I don’t know what it is.
All in all I have to come to a decision soon.

What happened to my sense of adventure? Where did that disappear to? I guess when you have had to live through some horribly wrong decisions made for you by others; fear builds up and eats away at your courage. Add to that mellowing of age and you have a double whammy.

I want my own crystal ball!

Why ...........................

Do I have to?................................................................
.............................................................................
.............................................................................
Why can't I............????

Options

It is very hard to live with regrets. You always find something to regret. I had a few difficult days after seeing a friend’s profile and how gorgeous she still looked. How toned her arms were etc. But then again she lives a very comfortable life....me on the other hand.........well never mind.

I went to see a movie tonight about the plight of people during natural disasters. People are absolutely helpless and have to depend on others. People who have lost everything; their homes, family members, friends, pets, their schools and the list goes on. Some have lost their entire family and some of the extended family and have nothing left, yet functioning. They have to begin life again in a country with so little help and so much red tape and a bullshit bureaucracy.

I drove home with a heavy heart and feeling of guilt about how shallow we humans can be from time to time. How we opt to see the grass always greener on the other side.

I think I needed to see this movie. A timely knock on the head, to look around and be thankful.

If I want toned arms get out and do some arm exercises,damn it! and if I want a comfortable life do something about it!

At least be thankful for the options.

FB

FB! Good old fashion eavesdropping done the new fashion way. Ultimate invasion of privacy! You settle down in your chair in the comfort of your home and eavesdrop through your monitor without moving a muscle. It could be on people you know from around the corner or half way across the globe. while you chat with your family and friends the rest of the folks watch and read. Life is out there, and bare, for all to see and read!

I was working today when someone walked in and started “my grandson...............” and before she went on with the rest of the story I knew what she was going to say as I read her grandson’s comments on her profile the night before :)

It took everything within me not to laugh or say, “Yep I know he wants to do that!”

Recap

What a full day! Hectic is one way of putting it. Lunch break was used to dash to Woolies and grab some provisions for tonight’s dinner as the guest of honour refused to go out to dinner as planned, at the last minute. On with the thinking hat to figure out what I could cook in a flash.

I barely had time to look at things at the supermarket as I had to be in and out in 20 minutes and be at work before the next client came in. Raced in and out of isles grabbing what I wanted. Good thing a better part of my life is spent either cooking or shopping for ingredients. Interesting life innit?

I was famished by that time but had to wait till the next client had come and booked in before I could eat

Yearnings

Why can’t I write my thoughts as I used to? Why do I have a mental block? It’s as if I live in a vacuum though my life is full without a moment to sit down, put my feet up and go “ahhh..........”
God my life has become so busy lately.
People say it’s good to be busy. Perhaps!
But isn’t it also good to have time to stop and breathe in the fresh air? Look and absorb the scenery? Smell the flowers and watch the lady bug at work? Sit and watch the world go by while your mind wanders to incredible realms?
Irony is, I had that life once and I wasn’t happy. I wanted to be busy like the rest of the world.
Hmm................

By myself

Got a day off after a loooong time. I looked forward to enjoying the stillness of the day, doing absolutely nothing but breathe in the meditative solitude within ...........but no..............just realised I have some cooking to do for a special occasion. You may ask how I would’ve cooked if I had to work........well I was going to buy something in that case.
Still, the surrounding is all very peaceful except for the lone crowing I can hear and the soft sound of my computer working for me.

Why?

Why am I this resentful of a certain someone's arrogant and bullying behaviour? Why do i let such people get to me?
Is it because I find it hard to understand how some people can act without a conscience? Why do they deliberately set out to sabotage another and their progress?
I wish I knew why?

Ok I admit I am supposed to be a mature person. Hell I am a mother of two grown children. Ok one grown, the law says she is, and other still growing, needing nurturing.
I am tired......of work....juggling so many things on so many fronts. I can’t complain, rather not supposed to complain, just grin and carry on. Maybe I can complain, up to a point I believe. I have to know when to stop otherwise people don’t want to know you. You become such a drag. You have to be fun fun fun all the time.

But things happen or deceitful, devious, scheming people happen in your life and I need to complain. Need to expel resentment/depression/angst and more. Find a fresh perspective from another person.
And...............
I need to complain on an ongoing basis until woe giver is given a flick from my life.